Thoughtful Pours

It’s been quite a while since I’ve written anything here. Truth be told I just haven’t been inspired enough to do so. More truthfully, I haven’t really had the capacity or energy to create for a while. Life presented me with MANY twists and turns over the last few years (I think my last post was 2021?) and overwhelm became a consistent feeling. In that time, I’ve gone through some traumatic experiences that gave me opportunities to unlearn patterns, heal, and become more of my true self. But survival mode took precedence over everything else.

Being in the space of just getting through each day can be exhausting. But, if nothing else, I am resilient — and proud of it.

Now, I’m getting out of survival mode, coming into my soft strength, and building a healthy and thriving life. I’m starting to see glimpses of dreams again. Not the kind you have when you’re asleep, but those you have for your life. The kind that make you feel warm and excited about what’s ahead. And at the same time, grounding into the present more than I have before.

What survival mode is like

Survival mode almost forces you to be in the present moment without being present. It’s like waking up from a nap on the road to go to the bathroom at a travel stop without actually knowing where you are — you just know what you have to do right now. But it also makes you overthink about the future and all of the what-ifs that could come with it.

Instead of using your imagination to dream and then taking action on your goals, you’re using it to wonder how you’re going to keep surviving.

When you’re able to finally step out of survival mode, you can move through each day actually experiencing your life and use your imagination to dream again. Your what-ifs go from, “What if I can’t get a new job and I’m stuck living paycheck to paycheck?” to “What if I learn more about this passion of mine and get to earn money doing something I love?“

The body remembers

That difference is palpable in your body — you can feel the change in energy. And it’s important to heal your body when coming out of survival mode. Because your body holds the energy of all your experiences in it. If you don’t release them, they can stay stuck. So even if you feel like you’re doing well mentally and emotionally, your body could be telling a different story.

Walks have always helped me. Getting outside in nature and just walking — sometimes listening to music that makes me feel good. Dancing, stretching, and shaking have also helped in the moments when I realize my body is telling me I’m anxious or stressed.

You’ve got to move the old energy out so your body can learn to hold the energy of new experiences.

On the horizon

I’ve got a dream that feels brand new yet I think I’ve secretly carried it with me, tucked in the back of my brain, for years now. I’ve explained it away, made excuses for why it won’t work, and told myself it won’t be a lucrative choice. (The brain is very good at pointing out negatives because it’s also “good” at trying to protect us.) But this time, I’m letting myself say yes to it — even if it’s in very small ways for now. I’m taking off the limitations and just letting it happen.

This “just letting it happen” though, is not as passive as you may think. It’s happening by taking a single action toward it each day. By doing this, I’m stopping myself from feeling overwhelmed by it. Because one thing a day is very manageable, and it keeps me accountable. It builds momentum and motivation.

Life can be bad, but you’re badder 😉

This post is more of a conversation between friends than a helpful guide or lesson. My hope is that you see yourself in it, whether your past self or current self, and it helps you realize how powerful you are even if you feel small. That life can get better. And if you don’t see yourself in it, then maybe you simply witness someone else’s story and hold reverence for them. If we all just talked and listened to each other more, we might build more genuine connections that make us feel seen, heard, and understood.

Because life can be a real bitch sometimes, and it’s the people we connect with that can make it seem worth the effort. It’s the small actions we take toward a dream we might be scared to go after that can build the confidence to keep going.

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